Since losing my mother in January 2020, my world has been turned upside down.
I understand that everyone leaves at some point and it cannot be stopped and as people, we have to just live through it. My mother used to always joke around about dying of old age and this would hurt me every time that she would mention it. However, I would vision myself caring for her until her final days. I would think about taking her on holiday with my own family and her being able to relax away from all the stresses of work. These dreams were shattered on the first day of 2020. My hopes of all this have been crushed by a person who had no right to end my mother’s life so soon. From this day, everything has gone worse for me.
I know that there are many children and adults who have lost relatives and friends through someone else’s actions and that this is not rare. But something that isn’t rare, does not make it normal. What I found out that day will haunt me forever and no power in the world can free me from that suffering. In the space of 5 minutes, I had found my mother dead in bed and then had to call the emergency services.
Ever since this day, I haven’t been the same smiley, goofy person that I was and I am afraid that I never will be. I know that I do not know this for sure, but I do know that it will be a long time for me to go back to being like I was. Although I have some friends that try to help with the best that they can, nothing can cure the loss. My mother was the closest person to me in my family. She was my best friend.
It breaks my heart to think that she will never get to see me finish college or get into university. She will not see me get my first job, have a family of my own and be able to watch her grandchildren grow up. We had planned to go to America and this will now never happen. All I can do is cry and sulk, but this will not bring her back. I do try and stay strong, but I can’t. I will never accept that this is normal. I will never forget this and it will haunt me forever. You never know how much something means to you until it is gone. I miss her warm hugs so much. I love you mum.
